she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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