The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
