After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
