is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
