i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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