The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
