I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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