Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
