ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
