You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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