Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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