You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
