Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
