wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
