the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
organizing the empties. That sober.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
