Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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