I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm going to jail i love you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
