fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
