the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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