hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
