I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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