Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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