You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
