that's an acceptable place to lick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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