Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
