Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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