Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
