I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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