you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
