i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
