Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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