I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
vagina is talking i cant
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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