First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
