oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then he tried to convert me to islam
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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