Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
