I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
