That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
