u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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