You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
