I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize