I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
