I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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