So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
