My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
