I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
