JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
