We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
