I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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