They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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