You're so nebulous sometimes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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