I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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