Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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