any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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