well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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