I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
