Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
